take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
