I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
