Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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