my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
