We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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