They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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