I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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