He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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