She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
