take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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