i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't EVER smell your tampon
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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