I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
