Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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