will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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