my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
