I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sarcasm needs its own font
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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