Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
