Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
