I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
