my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
