Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think my mom watched the whole time
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
