I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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