Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize