so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
