ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
