Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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