I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize