I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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