If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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