If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
