What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
