I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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