I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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