So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
