Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
