Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
