may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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