kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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