i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize