I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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