Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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