Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
