It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
