I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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