Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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