I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize