I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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