I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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