the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
