She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Two words: nipple clamps
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