Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
