I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
