no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
