Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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