im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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