Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
