Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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