I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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