I am spending my child support on dildos
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
