just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
