I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
