I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
