dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
