I have demons in me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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