We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This house was built for laser tag.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
