so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize