I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
