He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
