I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize