TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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