you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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