hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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