She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
