one might say we're banned from that church
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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