At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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