called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i believe in u and ur pee
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
