thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
