Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize