I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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