I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
