Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
