and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
