Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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