This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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