I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
