And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
