after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
