she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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