The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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