He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
