after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
