yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
