Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
