sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize