So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
