I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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