singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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