He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
