plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
