I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
