and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
