$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i think i just lost a toe
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
