i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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