Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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