And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
