I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize