we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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