Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
