i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was like eating out sand paper
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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