I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
