my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
