I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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