In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
