i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize