definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
operation have a gay friend backfired
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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