I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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