I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
