oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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