I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i think my cat just said my name.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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