highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
